Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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