you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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