Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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