no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
