Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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