Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just cropdusted the office
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
