He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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