very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
