A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
it glows. i had to have it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
