it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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