I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
