So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
