I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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