I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
