this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i love accidental penises.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
