sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
