she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I didn't notice because vodka
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
