Ambien. No doubt about it.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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