I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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