Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
