no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
