i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
