why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
