hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
