Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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