hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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