On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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