Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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