One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
