Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
