Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
