I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
