I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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