It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
