It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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