also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
