Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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