I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
