Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
