let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
