Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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