I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
try to milk me bitch
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
