actually, I'm a sock model
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
