so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
