she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
