listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
MIDGETS
????
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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