One girl and one boy is just not enough.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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