someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
