is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
