I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
