Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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