Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
