Pappa wants mamma naked
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
