I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
How does one acquire holy water?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
