If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
